Info why you cant stop being a solitary loser, the paradox of insecurity

[thorns]

you’re lonely so you become insecure, and then your insecurity makes you even more lonely. simple. people can smell through your hesitation, your need for validation, the way you speak like you're scared of being seen. you think keeping to yourself protects you, but it actually evidences everything you're trying to hide. and the worst part is you start to build your identity around it. “maybe i’m just meant to be alone,” you tell yourself, like it’s noble or profound, but it’s just fear in disguise. you want connection, but you’re scared of being rejected, so you give off this energy that repels everyone before they even try. it's a closed loop. your solitude breeds insecurity, and your insecurity keeps you in solitude. and you don’t fix it by pretending to be confident, but by stopping the self-loathing feedback loop you’ve been feeding for years. otherwise, you rot in it forever, wondering why nobody sees you while you keep making yourself invisible.

 

[dipenhydramine]

you’re lonely so you become insecure, and then your insecurity makes you even more lonely. simple. people can smell through your hesitation, your need for validation, the way you speak like you're scared of being seen. you think keeping to yourself protects you, but it actually evidences everything you're trying to hide. and the worst part is you start to build your identity around it. “maybe i’m just meant to be alone,” you tell yourself, like it’s noble or profound, but it’s just fear in disguise. you want connection, but you’re scared of being rejected, so you give off this energy that repels everyone before they even try. it's a closed loop. your solitude breeds insecurity, and your insecurity keeps you in solitude. and you don’t fix it by pretending to be confident, but by stopping the self-loathing feedback loop you’ve been feeding for years. otherwise, you rot in it forever, wondering why nobody sees you while you keep making yourself invisible.

my dad taught me to be confidently unconfident

he told me

if i know im gonna be too nervous or struggle to talk around a new person, i should say so first

idk if its good advice but i always do it and it sometimes helps me

 

[Penalizer69]

Very fucking good thread

 

[thorns]

my dad taught me to be confidently unconfident

he told me

if i know im gonna be too nervous or struggle to talk around a new person, i should say so first

idk if its good advice but i always do it and it sometimes helps me

you mean being upfront to people? saying 'i am nervous right now' or what?

 

[dipenhydramine]

you mean being upfront to people? saying 'i am nervous right now' or what?

yeah pretty much i just warn them and be like

btw im very awkward so if i go quiet its just cos idk what to say

most people understand

 

[thorns]

yeah pretty much i just warn them and be like

btw im very awkward so if i go quiet its just cos idk what to say

most people understand

its for sure better than self isolating

 

[dipenhydramine]

its for sure better than self isolating

ye tbh im still lonely but yk it helps

 

[thorns]

ye tbh im still lonely but yk it helps

change environments if you struggle in your current ones. just never make being a lonewolf your personality as it's a massive cope mechanism for the fear of human interaction

 

[dipenhydramine]

change environments if you struggle in your current ones. just never make being a lonewolf your personality as it's a massive cope mechanism for the fear of human interaction

i tried idk what the issue is i just cant make irl friends

 

[thorns]

i tried idk what the issue is i just cant make irl friends

how old are you?

 

[dipenhydramine]

how old are you?

17

 

[thorns]

17

so you're in hs, dont you hangout with anyone?

 

[dipenhydramine]

so you're in hs, dont you hangout with anyone?

i try but nobody talks with me outside of school

no messages
left on read or delieverd
no video games with anyone
no snaps
nothing at all

idk what i do wrong

 

[pompompurino]

damn

 

[Deleted Member 47925]

You end up being your own reason for the loneliness, and then hate yourself for it. It's a trap you built, and you forget how to leave.

I always realize how messed up this shit is cause this is completely accurate. Makes you realize how much of the isolation is self made, even when it doesn't feel like it. And the fucked part is, most people just need someone to disarm them and make them understand that this is a continuous loop and even then, most of the times people with this issue are avoidant to the core so it's a battle most don't want to put up with. Getting out of this cycle almost always feels like a coin flip, but for those moments when you are confident you feel like you rule the world.

 

[Nenestar]

It's much easier staying in a shitty place than trying to get out. The process of trying to get out can hurt more than just "rotting."

I did read a cool forum post of it some time ago: Post

 

[thorns]

You end up being your own reason for the loneliness, and then hate yourself for it. It's a trap you built, and you forget how to leave.

I always realize how messed up this shit is cause this is completely accurate. Makes you realize how much of the isolation is self made, even when it doesn't feel like it. And the fucked part is, most people just need someone to disarm them and make them understand that this is a continuous loop and even then, most of the times people with this issue are avoidant to the core so it's a battle most don't want to put up with. Getting out of this cycle almost always feels like a coin flip, but for those moments when you are confident you feel like you rule the world.

you can chemically pull yourself out of this self‑loathing mental state, though. drinking is basically that, a socially acceptable way to push yourself out of your mentalceldom. but, as you said perfectly in another thread, the highs are great, just wait for the crash

 

[cobain]

Just be NT bro