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For most people, physical attraction is a prerequisite, with personality serving as an enhancer. For example, a guy with a great personality who isn't physically attractive enough will often get friend-zoned, while a good-looking guy with a terrible personality can still secure at least some kind of non-platonic relationship with women.
Even if that relationship doesn't last long because of his personality, he's still able to get into a relationship with women in at least some way.
The bad-looking guy with a great personality is never able to get into even a short-term relationship with women, because they aren't attracted to him in the first place.
This is relevant because most women are physically attractive enough to most men.
That means the baseline filter that men face, whether a woman is attracted to them at all, is much less strict for women.
If a woman finds a man's personality appealing, she can usually act on that because odds are that the man already finds her physically attractive.
This creates a big asymmetry. Women can select the guy with the personality they desire, and since their physical attractiveness already guarantees them options, they have the freedom to prioritize whichever personality traits they like best.
Men don't have that freedom. Most women are not attracted to most men, which severely limits the pool available to them.
A guy can't simply pick a woman with the personality he likes best, because if she isn't into him physically, her personality doesn't matter, she's never an option
It's not that personality doesn't matter to men; it's that the women whose personalities they'd actually like often don't find them attractive in the first place.
Women often complain about men "objectifying" them or not appreciating their personalities, but their situation is the opposite, since almost any guy they're into personality-wise will already be attracted to them; they can prioritize compatibility and filter out men who just want them for looks.
They can afford to be pickier about personality because their pool is so wide. The only time women end up feeling like there are "no good guys" is when they themselves narrow their definition of "physically attractive enough"
so much that they shrink their own pool.
In other words, if they can't find compatible men, it's usually because they've excluded too many options, not because men are inherently unwilling to care about their personalities.
Even if that relationship doesn't last long because of his personality, he's still able to get into a relationship with women in at least some way.
The bad-looking guy with a great personality is never able to get into even a short-term relationship with women, because they aren't attracted to him in the first place.
This is relevant because most women are physically attractive enough to most men.
That means the baseline filter that men face, whether a woman is attracted to them at all, is much less strict for women.
If a woman finds a man's personality appealing, she can usually act on that because odds are that the man already finds her physically attractive.
This creates a big asymmetry. Women can select the guy with the personality they desire, and since their physical attractiveness already guarantees them options, they have the freedom to prioritize whichever personality traits they like best.
Men don't have that freedom. Most women are not attracted to most men, which severely limits the pool available to them.
A guy can't simply pick a woman with the personality he likes best, because if she isn't into him physically, her personality doesn't matter, she's never an option
It's not that personality doesn't matter to men; it's that the women whose personalities they'd actually like often don't find them attractive in the first place.
Women often complain about men "objectifying" them or not appreciating their personalities, but their situation is the opposite, since almost any guy they're into personality-wise will already be attracted to them; they can prioritize compatibility and filter out men who just want them for looks.
They can afford to be pickier about personality because their pool is so wide. The only time women end up feeling like there are "no good guys" is when they themselves narrow their definition of "physically attractive enough"
so much that they shrink their own pool.
In other words, if they can't find compatible men, it's usually because they've excluded too many options, not because men are inherently unwilling to care about their personalities.
