- Joined
- Feb 23, 2026
- Messages
- 866
- Online time
- 4d 1h
- Reputation
- 1,025
- Location
- new york
- Guild
- Britannia
im done projecting feelings afeter this, but this is one of the worst feelings in me the deep rooted insecurity. I love a girl so much I don't know what to do anymore. can't tell if I'm enough but cant see anyway out of it other than improving my physical appearance to a level of certainty . I want to ascend and just go and live my life as normally as intended.
I'm 5'10 125lbs currently unemployed and don't even attend school anymore, I just skip. I wanted to start focusing on myself but It feels difficult like no other task to get over. just not even gonna bring it up but I'm not near as good looking as I was during sophmore prime and Im a junior.
idk I'd rate myself hmtn most days which I am just so bloated for my face dude ruins my entire look. some kind of face fat. no matter. I am in love with a girl and will never know a way to be certain she really loves me back unless i ascend to a desired look status. its quite legit the only solution out so I feel trapped. progress seems invisible, minute and reversible. seems like negligible progress I'm making on my face. I'm tired and fed up where I tried and tried to acheive happiness in other ways while I "ascend" overtime. its almost futile. only on the days I look halfway decent do I exert confidence. those days I genuinely feel great its like a snippet of what my life could be, but its truly not its almost a illusion where in the moment I feel helpless to insecurity. constantly resisting moves that could most likely benefit my relationship with her further. however its only until I'm at home and rotting when I realize that.
so be it I'm very insecure. I've had nightmares of this girl leaving me (legit). shes always in my head and I would do a lot for her. I love her genuine. I love her face. I love her hair. I love how she can be realistic and logical and I love when she tries to console me. I love how shes funny and relatable I just don't understand, she reminds me of how incomplete I am, constantly battling to make myself look as good as possible. I don't even think I understand that much about her especially her feelings toward me. its a constant reminder that ascension is the only option to my success.
I'm 5'10 125lbs currently unemployed and don't even attend school anymore, I just skip. I wanted to start focusing on myself but It feels difficult like no other task to get over. just not even gonna bring it up but I'm not near as good looking as I was during sophmore prime and Im a junior.
idk I'd rate myself hmtn most days which I am just so bloated for my face dude ruins my entire look. some kind of face fat. no matter. I am in love with a girl and will never know a way to be certain she really loves me back unless i ascend to a desired look status. its quite legit the only solution out so I feel trapped. progress seems invisible, minute and reversible. seems like negligible progress I'm making on my face. I'm tired and fed up where I tried and tried to acheive happiness in other ways while I "ascend" overtime. its almost futile. only on the days I look halfway decent do I exert confidence. those days I genuinely feel great its like a snippet of what my life could be, but its truly not its almost a illusion where in the moment I feel helpless to insecurity. constantly resisting moves that could most likely benefit my relationship with her further. however its only until I'm at home and rotting when I realize that.
so be it I'm very insecure. I've had nightmares of this girl leaving me (legit). shes always in my head and I would do a lot for her. I love her genuine. I love her face. I love her hair. I love how she can be realistic and logical and I love when she tries to console me. I love how shes funny and relatable I just don't understand, she reminds me of how incomplete I am, constantly battling to make myself look as good as possible. I don't even think I understand that much about her especially her feelings toward me. its a constant reminder that ascension is the only option to my success.
