i don’t really know why i’m taking the time to write this but i appreciate you reading this because it’ll probably be the last thing i write.
i’m 5’4 at 17 years old with closed growth plates, objectively sub 5 (got face iq rating) and i’m indian
so if anyone wants to say there is still hope i genuinely ask you where because i would love to find it.
i’ve done every soft max you can think of, including cope ones been going to the gym for 3 years, got mse, accutane, even hopped on reta.
i was morbidly obese but I am still fat despite working out and starvemaxxing/agressive cut for 4 months got 20k+ steps a day and i can’t even eat normally now my body does not let me eat and when i of course force myself too i feel immense guilt after
even fashionmaxxed and moneymaxxed but all this proved was the looks is all that matters as i still had girls laughing and making fun of me, people constantly avoiding eye contact, disgusted body language, all the classic things people respond to ugly people with. needless to say i’ve hardly had a positive social interaction in the past couple years
i don’t really feel guilty i don’t see my parents much maybe 1-2 min a day and when i do they only yell at me and openly call me a failure asking me why im going to the gym because its a waste of time since im still fat. pretty much the only interaction i have with my sister is her asking me why i look like that and her telling me how much i disgust her and my brother is 5’10 and mogs the shit out of me in every aspect including looks and he is also in pharmacy school so i can be compared to him but i dont see him either. i guess he’s the only one who would have a right to feel sad when im gone so i feel bad about that but none of them love me so they won’t experience the pain of losing a loved one. my grandpa, the only man i could somewhat talk to, died recently so i don’t have to worry about him caring.
i genuinely come to tears from looking at myself and my mind begs me to kill myself after every interaction.
if anyone bothered to read this i truly thank you.
in the end, i just wanted to be loved.
maybe in another life
i’m 5’4 at 17 years old with closed growth plates, objectively sub 5 (got face iq rating) and i’m indian
so if anyone wants to say there is still hope i genuinely ask you where because i would love to find it.
i’ve done every soft max you can think of, including cope ones been going to the gym for 3 years, got mse, accutane, even hopped on reta.
i was morbidly obese but I am still fat despite working out and starvemaxxing/agressive cut for 4 months got 20k+ steps a day and i can’t even eat normally now my body does not let me eat and when i of course force myself too i feel immense guilt after
even fashionmaxxed and moneymaxxed but all this proved was the looks is all that matters as i still had girls laughing and making fun of me, people constantly avoiding eye contact, disgusted body language, all the classic things people respond to ugly people with. needless to say i’ve hardly had a positive social interaction in the past couple years
i don’t really feel guilty i don’t see my parents much maybe 1-2 min a day and when i do they only yell at me and openly call me a failure asking me why im going to the gym because its a waste of time since im still fat. pretty much the only interaction i have with my sister is her asking me why i look like that and her telling me how much i disgust her and my brother is 5’10 and mogs the shit out of me in every aspect including looks and he is also in pharmacy school so i can be compared to him but i dont see him either. i guess he’s the only one who would have a right to feel sad when im gone so i feel bad about that but none of them love me so they won’t experience the pain of losing a loved one. my grandpa, the only man i could somewhat talk to, died recently so i don’t have to worry about him caring.
i genuinely come to tears from looking at myself and my mind begs me to kill myself after every interaction.
if anyone bothered to read this i truly thank you.
in the end, i just wanted to be loved.
maybe in another life