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Had an argument with my parents today, I was mad at how they were speaking to me, it’s as if they’re always scolding me 24/7 even when I feel like I didn’t do anything particularly wrong. Like they’ve been holding it in for a while. And from their POV, it makes sense. Compared to my sisters, I’ve been pretty much a nothing burger, didnt get as good grades as them. Didn’t get to a uni on par with them, I’m doing engineering but even that pales in comparison to what they’re all doing.
And it’s sad, because it wasn’t always like this. But as I get older, I feel like I’m getting further and further behind unless I really lock in and make a fuckton of money another way. And I owe them so much. It constantly feels like I’m always disappointing them. To the point where I wasn’t in contact with my own family for a while because I just felt I hadn’t achieved enough to show my face around them. Avoidant attachment at play here.
And they said something that, while it was true, it hurt. They said that if I kept on leaving them in the dark, there’d come a point where they’ll just stop caring. Which is completely fair and logical. But, I wasn’t avoiding them because I no longer like them, I’m disappointed with myself. They’d think I’m such a pussy for thinking that.
This shit sucks man. Been so focused on looks, probably to cope with everything else. At least I look a lot better now. But my situation is the same
And it’s sad, because it wasn’t always like this. But as I get older, I feel like I’m getting further and further behind unless I really lock in and make a fuckton of money another way. And I owe them so much. It constantly feels like I’m always disappointing them. To the point where I wasn’t in contact with my own family for a while because I just felt I hadn’t achieved enough to show my face around them. Avoidant attachment at play here.
And they said something that, while it was true, it hurt. They said that if I kept on leaving them in the dark, there’d come a point where they’ll just stop caring. Which is completely fair and logical. But, I wasn’t avoiding them because I no longer like them, I’m disappointed with myself. They’d think I’m such a pussy for thinking that.
This shit sucks man. Been so focused on looks, probably to cope with everything else. At least I look a lot better now. But my situation is the same