Serious how to stop myself from roping?

[pax]

my life has gone in the trash al because of me. i have no real friends cause i left my good ones trying to be "normal" and now i see them everywhere hanging out while im stuck in my room all day alone. i try to convince myself i can be friends with them again but i know it wont happen. i cant talk to people as is let alone people ive messed up relations with. today i looked at snapchat for the first time in months and saw they posted stories today and looked at them. they were at a local fair that runs this time of year every year that we went to last year. i saw it and just couldnt stop myself from crying just a little. i realized how bad its gotten after i had drowned everything out with weed. i try to impress everyone around me harder than ever. i play out fake scenarios in my head of people laughing at me for my looks even though i dont look terrible. its been too much for me to handle recently and ive seriously considered roping even wrote notes. please help as i dont want to mentally injure those around me like my parents, siblings, or even my old friends who might feel they're the cause even though its my fault.

 

[Fattiepattiecookie]

if you don't have anything u wanna hold on to, then use that as a way to keep yourself hanging on, think, "my family ould be so sad if i did it" for now, then eventually life WILL get better and ur not gonna wanna rope anymore (not always)

my life has gone in the trash al because of me. i have no real friends cause i left my good ones trying to be "normal" and now i see them everywhere hanging out while im stuck in my room all day alone. i try to convince myself i can be friends with them again but i know it wont happen. i cant talk to people as is let alone people ive messed up relations with. today i looked at snapchat for the first time in months and saw they posted stories today and looked at them. they were at a local fair that runs this time of year every year that we went to last year. i saw it and just couldnt stop myself from crying just a little. i realized how bad its gotten after i had drowned everything out with weed. i try to impress everyone around me harder than ever. i play out fake scenarios in my head of people laughing at me for my looks even though i dont look terrible. its been too much for me to handle recently and ive seriously considered roping even wrote notes. please help as i dont want to mentally injure those around me like my parents, siblings, or even my old friends who might feel they're the cause even though its my fault.