yeah bro if u been fat ur whole life its pretty much over
society sees u as shit and u hate urself bc of years of negative reinforcement
u want to kys everyday, and u build a negative relationship with food, seeing it as bad and avoiding it as much as u can
if u got fat or chubby at a young age, then its actually over tho, ur brain is more sensitive to bullying and bad enforcement, if ur parents let ur kid become above 25% bf before 13 they should be sent to prison for abuse, u don't know how much hate I built for myself bc of it, I'm not even that lean rn, I'm prob like 23-25% bf rn, I hate how normies cope with muh bullying builds character, to what point does it build character when u start to avoid school bc of bullying, to what point is it too much, I legit barely eat these days, if I had to guess it would be 500-800 calls a day, I hate putting anything in my mouth so much, it reminds me of how much hatred I have for myself
I envy people who wastn short ugly fat non NT punching bag and bullied as a kid, it destroys so much of me, plus im ethnic, I think this makes me a unloveable being, I hate people around me irl for this reason, most of my "friends" that I used to have betrayd me to get higher status, and isolated me, I try to avoid people as much as I can these days bc of it
normies are untrustworthy, uncaring, aggresave scum fgts, when u don't have a purpose to them or don't benefit them ur thrown to the side like a insect
being low smv since young is truly brutal tho, u get to experience lookism before discovering it through ideologies, I knew there was something wrong with me but I just didn't have a word for it, plus I believe that lookism from when I was younger turned me high inhib, I used to be normal(in terms of inhib) but autotothy always had to tell me to sit still and calm down(casual foid teacher ramblings and weird family)
I got in to forums at a low point in my life, they are my only vent space, I mostly go on these forums for my sanity, without these forums I would just talk to myself and cry into my pillow every night, no pussy, no friends, no copes(I don't fap anymore bc I want to clear my soul, cant play video games bc of my console being broken), the only thing I somewhat cope with is gym, but I've been inconsistent with that)
but even tho i had sprouts of suicidal thoughts, i made a dedication to myself to never be defeated(suffocate to the idea of suicide) that's a sin i will never commit, suicide is like confirming to life and being weak in front of it, i wouldn't gain anything of reality out of it, even eternal suffering can happen which is obv unideal, all the universe is gonna do is laugh at me if i commit suicide, this belief and hope is what differentiates me from other blackpillers i feel, this adds some whitepill to my belief, this is why no matter what i will go through it
recently the cope I've been developing is philosophy and I've been loving it tbh
my world has mostly been dark, cold experience
low smv since young and socially inept + ethnic
I've always observed people, i like doing it, it made me know how evil people(especially normies) can become, when offered in front of a chance for power and social status, they betray u, and leave u to rot, its funny sometimes bc its a very simple way to think, i often get carried away in arrogance and ignorance against different beliefs bc im a overthinker and always believe mine is better, but i always remind myself to get down to a level
btw im sorry this is so long but this post really just made me think abt my childhood a lot
@Caramel20 thanks for making me look back on my awful, strong memories man
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@sigma @fable @Zodiac @cuck @n9wiff @Incognito @Clone @abuseddog @ratedLTN @NZb6Air @MA_ascender