I'm glad you was strong enough too get thought that, may i ask what was the turning point in your life was?
This is going to sound immature but bear in mind I was 13. This is actually a big part of my incel story as well. Picture a bloated, acne ridden, nerdy, walmart glasses wearing, skinnyfat middle schooler. On top of all that I had a fat ego and thought that I was good looking, and was not self aware in any way. I was deluded.
It all started on the first day of school. I was sitting on the curb outside, when about 50 feet away I see a girl. Back then, I though she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and I instantly developed a crush on her. We were both in 8th grade, but she was in a different class than me, so we never really talked. She was in one class once a week with me though, and I stared at her the entire time, watching to see if she would ever look back and smile at me or something. She never did.
This lasted the entire year, and I watched her date several guys, all of which were older and better looking than me. I started to obsess over what the other guys looked like, thinking that if I only had hair like him or a chin like him that I would have a shot with her. This caused me to become more aware of how ugly I was, and caused me to become self conscious and depressive over my looks.
One day, on November 14th, I gave her a text saying that I heard she thought I was cute (complete bs) and asked if she liked me. The turning point when I became blackpilled was when she responded with "no lmao" and told me that I wasn't cute at all. This put me in a deep depression over the next several weeks, and once I started self harming. I took a saw from my garage, walked into the woods next to where I live, and started to cut myself with it. I only did this once.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were the worst. The girl got another boyfriend, and at the school Christmas party they and all of the rest of the attractive/popular kids sat at one big table, and I sat at a different table with all of the incel/nerd kids. One of them took a picure of me looking stupid in my Christmas pajamas, which I still remember to this day. Also, a few days before this, word had gotten around that I texted that girl and had the audacity to think she liked me, and at the Christmas party everyone thought I was a total loser. After that I just went home and probably cried, I don't remember.
The one thing that made it better was Christmas break. My parents bought tickets to Disney World for Christmas, and for a week I forgot about problems back home and had fun. On the second to last day as I was packing up (and in better spirits after a fun vacation) I decided to try to improve myself and not think so much about the girl. I did do one of these things, this was about the same time that bodybuilding went super mainstream with gen z, and I hopped on the bandwagon and began working out.
I watched a lot of workout videos, one thing led to another, I started watching the other content on the self improvement profiles and started softmaxxing, particularly skincare, though I didn't know that it was called softmaxxing at the time.
I was doing this, cruising along, working out and washing my face (while still thinking about that girl (funny story as I started to ascend more we became acquainted, I think she forgot)) until about December of 23. I discovered .org when my friend told me "bro need to looksmax". I didn't know what he was talking about at first, as I wasn't allowed to have tiktok. I googled looksmaxxing, and one of the suggestions in the search bar was "looksmaxxing forum". I started lurking on .org, tried and failed to make an account, and then started lurking on here. On December 21st I made an account while I was home alone, and now we here.
I don't hate myself anymore, I'm now in the same friend group that made me feel insecure last year, I'm good friends with that girl (not cope we facetimed just yesterday), and that one friend that told me I needed to looksmax now tells me that I "look like a looksmaxxer" (jfl tiktokcel).
I ascended from subhuman to MTN and I am the happiest I have been in a long time, also now I am part of a church which I volunteer at and I am trying to better myself morally now too.
