Ashton_Aesthetics
Looksmaxer, locked in around a year ago
Thinking of giving it 1 more year. If my life and circumstances haven't changed or improved by then I'm considering changing to truecel and roping. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I want to believe there is hope and this is a turning point and things can improve now I am active on social media and music/content again and have plans and ambitions and gaining reach again, but honestly slowly I'm starting to accept that maybe it isn't meant for me in this life and by choosing to stay I would just be putting myself through unnecessary pain and PDA witnessing, hearing neighbours have sex and seeing things happening at clubs and in public and other things I don't need to endure. It's getting too painful, nothing I try works. I may have 1 opportunity, going on holiday with my friends soon and one of my female friends has a friend that is coming, she is single and looking for "summer time fun" I think she is cute, She showed her my content and she said I'm cute, my friend wouldn't lie about that because she knows how badly this effects me and would rather not saying anything than lie in these situations as it pisses me off and makes me really low mentally, she knows I am going down this path and has supported me despite my views and her being a woman, I do not view her or our friend group the way I view other women because they are the only ones who I have ever met that are sound and been there for me and the only decent women I have ever met and probably ever will meet, I appreciate them, fair play to them sticking by me and supporting me in becoming a better person when they have to endure my rants, anger releasing and saying things they wouldn't agree with. Genuinely upsets me that I get to this point where keeping it bottled up makes me be like this, but after being alone and deprived for so long you can't blame me. I genuinely love them like family. I'm scared that 1 year or so later it will be the deadline and nothing will have changed, I cannot keep doing this, every year that has gone by now I have said I am not carrying on and going into another year with this black pill curse bulshit, yet been saying this for the past 4 to 5 years yet here I am at 22 because I am too coward to end it because I'm scared of going to hell or burning for all eternity, I also feel like I am giving up on god. He knows I am in pain, he can tell I am lonely and suffering and he could easily send someone my way yet he hasn't while he has for others, he is making us suffer this fate. If the time comes and I need to give up, I want to say I will miss all my friends and family and I know my death will destroy them, but I cannot carry on with this for much longer, I am loosing all hope and enough is enough, women join my TikTok lives and ignore me, they don't request to join the box, they don't gift and they are so ignorant they cannot even reply when I say hello and welcome them in, I get nowhere in society and on dating apps either, my time as blackpilled will soon end and I will make sure of it, I refuse to be a witness to everyone else's happiness anymore. I need some advice for when I go on holiday, some chat up and game advice, on how to present myself, body language game and rizz, seduction and all sorts. This could be my ONE time opportunity to get laid and have something good in a long time or even ever. She already thinks I am cute so that's good, I need genuine advice on how to pull this off. and if the time comes that I have to rope and take the blackpill with me in death, I just want to say I am grateful for the good people I have met on here and I wish you all luck and that you can escape this evil insidious curse placed on us by the universe or whatever controls the severs we are in.
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id be happy to join u and play some games with u =D stay strong!
Well unless it’s a manifesto or suicide note or something, but u don’t usually get to see until after the deed is done 
